Did you know that the average person thinks around 60,000 thoughts each day? (Actually, it’s more complicated than that, but never mind.) According to Sharon Melnick, clinical psychologist and life coach, the key to success and accomplishment is to make sure those thoughts are directed positively, towards your goals. On her blog, she recently wrote about how to let go of things you obsess over.
The situation unfolded the way it did. That’s now a fact. But when you explain to yourself why it happened that way, you have made the situation to be a confirmation of a long held belief you have about yourself (e.g. I am not good enough; I’ll always be a B+ kind of player; I’m a loser, etc.)
To start moving forward, what you want to do is start to trace what it means about YOU that the situation happened the way it did. Write down on a piece of paper the explanation(s) you tell yourself for why the situation happened this way. With each answer you give, dig a little deeper to answer the question and what does that mean about me? This analysis will lead you to the root of what is making you hold onto’ the situation. You want to see if you can come up with a personalized meaning that confirms your deepest fear or doubt about yourself.
The next step, of course, is to analyze the problem more objectively and stop blaming yourself… Easier said than done, of course, but that’s no different from most good advice.